I think my problem is my inability to hide things from people. I don't lie, (white lies ocasionally) but never about anything serious. My main white lie these past few months has been "i'm fine" when all my friends and family ask me how i am.
The 30th of December was a very hard day for me, the man i have been in love with for 5 years left Australia to return to his life in England. I didn't expect him to stay but i never expected things to be like this.
'Like This', leaving it on an ambiguous note would piss you (the reader) off just as much as movies that just finish without any resolution, piss me off.
To clarify 'Like This' means, a relationship stopped dead in it's track for no reason and without warning. Well actually there could have been warning; but maybe i didn't notice.
Maybe i was so wrapped up in my own little world, in love with the idea of this man and the idea of the sort of world i wanted to live in. That I didn't notice him drifting away.
Either way it has nearly been 3 months without contact and 3 weeks since i emailed him and did not receive a reply.
The obvious thought to enter your mind is 'is he died?' but with facebook and myspace it is easy to keep tabs on people or check if they are still living.
I think it is worse knowing that they are okay, seeing that they have been speaking to everyone but you.
It feels like a knife being repeatidly stabbed into my heart.
But what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
I am lost, i eat more now to fill the void and run harder to feel free and to escape the suffocation of being left by the man you love, i get angrier faster and punch the walls alot more and cry more easily.
But i am surviving and that is the main thing.
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